LIFE - A Never Ending Drama

Saturday, April 23, 2011

23rd April 2011:

Hi Blog! Not sure if anyone is going to read this post cos havn't posted for sooo long alr. When i saw my blog message is " life - a never ending drama" somehow it related to the situation that i am in now.

Sch has been ok. But my cher asked me "what do u wanna do in ur life?" n i was silent. My classmates all had their goals in life, mostly related to tourism, but i just dunno wad i want. Was arranged to see the SP counsellor bcos of this. Im really afraid. I've worked so hard to get to where i am; Honour Roll tudent, SB Achiever, n getting a Dipl. with merit once i graduate. Will even be accepted to all local Unis. I am living in the dream my classmates are jealous of. But i never seem as happy as wad they perceive me to be. What if after seeing the counsellor, i finally know that i am not into this tourism shit? How am i gonna handle it? Will all my hard work go to waste?

I've been asking my frens wad should i do. I really appreciated their advice, but i can never say wad it feels like exactly to be in my shoes. After wad my cher said to me, whenever i attend lectures n stuff, i dun even know y i am here. I am really in a life crisis now. Feels like a wandering soul with no aims/goals.... maybe a little suicidal feel too....

I just wanna be rich, to get out of this life that i have now. Ppl say life is deeper than just being rich, but do they know how being poor can change this saying? I always wanted to be a fashion designer since i was a kid, but once my family's financial situation got worse, i knew i had to stop this dream as the fashion industry is so unpredictable n wad if i am not successful? I cannot let my parent live a comfortable life in they retiring age. Thats y i told myself to work hard n get a job that is stable n pays well. Thus, i chose to do business-tourism. from the start, i knew this is not what i wanted, but its wad i have to do in order to get out of the life im currently stuck in. Of course, how i feel so unappreciated in the family is also not helping rite now :(

Ha can't believe i just saw my last post saying that i wanna find out wad i wann do in life n look wad now? I'm still stuck in this mess. Need to decide now as it is very important in deciding which internship i wanna do. Hav been praying n praying to God to give me a sign on wad i should do. Not doubting Him, but till now no signs were given n im getting really worried. Being the only Catholic at home, my level of faith is dependent on myself n i hope that if till of the day no sign is given n i hav to decide/depend on myself, i will still know that He is there for me, n not become some Atheist.

Ok, after typing all this, i feel so much better :) But i do really hope to get out this stupid situation i am in now. Someone save me! Everyday i feel like i am sinking deeper n deeper in a vast lake of quick sand, a bottomless pool. How i wish i can just crawl under a rock n sleep forever....

Sunday, January 2, 2011

1st January 2011 (Sat.):

Hola! Lol hav not been blogging for the past 6 months so im so tired of blogging. But shall post an entry to a new year lol :)

Well, sch has been good.... Although i seem to start to get kinda lazy n complacent. Pls i hope it will not get worse :( Somehow feel like my NUS goal is getting further and further away. Still thinking if i should go US disneyworld for attachment this coming sept. Hope to make up my mind soon as interviews will start in feb-mar.

Hmm wad else..... Ok i fired my driving instructor (at last!). Lol many know that. Need to find a new one soon..... Although im quite tired of driving. Like seriously. Maybe im meant to be driven and not to drive lol. Choir... nothing much to say, just that i know too much abt lots of stuff lol. Argh!

Ok let me list down my new year resolutions:

Hmm do even better academically in sch
Get my driving license b4 my 19th birthday
Hope for "clique-peace"
To find out wad i really wanna do in my life.... cos i definitely know tourism is not my thing
Attend SNSD concert

Err ok basically thats it! Rite now can't think of anything else lol.... kk i gtg. Haha idk when i will blog again but yea. Happy new year people :)

Jefferjunior

Monday, June 14, 2010

14 June 2010:

Long time didn't blog alr. Hmm kk MSTs just ended. TTP is fine....... FBM is screwed up, lost 16 marks cos of 1 stupid question. Heart pain.... IHRO i dun remember wad i wrote as my answers cos i rushed like mad seriously, so i dun think its a good thing..... FMAH cher told us our class got 6 As n 6 Bs, so i hope im in either one of that. Pls dun give me C, my heart cannot take it..... Law was kinda good i guess.

Hmm went jogging this evening..... Tots just ran thru my mind when i was jogging, like wad my life will be like in 10-20 years. Idk la, just hate holidays cos is always during holidays i have this kind of thinking..... Feel v lost, alone n stuff.

Im spending my days watching movies online...... prince of persia etc. Argh so boring..... Kk shall end here. Lol dunno wad to say alr. Ciao!

Sunday, May 23, 2010

22nd May 2010, Sat.:

Argh v long never blog alr. Busy busy busy..... Uhm recap wad went on these few weeks..... went to JB for immersion programme for a week..... Had projects...... lol ok forgot e rest alr. Oh ya, im having this fencing-bowling dilemma now........ want bowling but expensive n i told decided not go for e sch team trial so staying on in that cca i won't be getting much cca points.... Uhm fencing is like i dun really mind, but like now my fren who's suppose to go with me dun want alr so i'll be alone again so idk how..... argh.....

Anw, had usual saturday stuff 2day.... Oh ya, met andrea earlier at macs to book e basic theory test thing. Omg something happened n now i can't book.. Hav to go to e ubi place to "top up" my stored value in e driving sch acct. b4 i can book. So troublesome..... Thx to andrea.... Omg prac. suddenly im damn into e song "how beautiful". Omg so nice :) Hmm after prac. after mass tobi, fiona, veron, andrea, iggy n i went to starbucks. Chit chat b4 going home.

Omg MSTs coming soon.... Havn't study yet.... so screwed..... i think going to JB for a week really screwed up e timetable...... e lecturers didn't really go thru with us wad we left out. So i guess hav to catch up n learn e missing stuff by myself. Kk promise to study 2moro..... Shall lock myslelf at home and not go out :/

Monday, April 19, 2010

19th Apr '10:

Yay start of sch! No more collecting dust at home alr lol. Woke up at like 8am, made breakfast, watched project runway season 7 online while waiting for sch to start. Left home at like 1.45pm. Took 76 to payar lebar mrt but taking train to dover. Hmm e law tutor was kind funny, but after half an hour of her talking im alr starting to look at my watch n like argh how long more then will end? I can foresee this module will be kinda dry n there will be lots of memorising to do..... So she ended class early n we stayed back to rehearse for our dance perf. for e immersion programme. Trained home with kymm (dropped at tiong) n also bumped in nicholas ng, ex-schmate. Did nothing much at home, just printed lecture notes for 2moro. Argh having spliting headache now.... n house no more panadol alr....... Hope can just sleep then 2moro will be fine.

Sunday, April 18, 2010

18th April '10:

Happy Birthday Gabby :)

Mum drove me to martin's house to return him his water bottle then mum n i had bar chor mee downstairs his house. Hmm went to visit grandaunt after that. Woo sch starts 2moro..... Totally looking forward to it...... n this sem. e modules n v theor-ish n not application type to i should do well. SHould...... Argh 2moro sch only 3-5pm.... Law tutorial. Omg i go sch come home is e same time is e time spent in sch 2moro la. Waste time :(

17th April '10:

Argh still sick :( Went to st pats 2day to help out scrabble competition. Got back my crumpler from martin. Went for choir prac. n mass after that. Then went for gabby's bday dinner. Shopped around parkway for a while b4 going home. Aarr reacher home then found out martin's water bottle was in my bag so 2moro hav to return to him. Slept ard 11pm...... Thats like damn early for me.

16th April '10:

Woke up 2day having slight fever.... flu too...... Sighs i think its cos we ran under e ran at bugis yesterday :( Felt sick..... Stayed at home e whole day, except for going out in e evening to deliver stuff for my mum. Hope i will be better 2moro. Took a panadol n slept....

15th April '10:

Sighs 2day immersion prog. n class outing only 8 ppl attended..... dun really know wad to say abt e rest..... i guess its just up to ur own conscience n effort in contribution.... So we confirmed e dance song which was "wavin' flag" by K'naan n david bisbal. Its e theme song for FIFA world cup this year. Really African-ish beat n i think we will do well. Haha idk y. So had KFC for lunch n went on with outing. We had a game of bowling. I scored 128.... omg so bad..... maybe cos never play so long alr :( Nvm i just found out sch bowling 3 games 5 bucks...... cheap cheap, so can go there train if im free. Then we had ice skating. Only 4 ppl ice-skated..... e rest totally ps-ed, but i shall no say anything. Hmm then we went to bugis to shop. Bought a long sleeved V neck tee. First V neck n long sleeve tee i had. Then we had dinner at some fairly atas restaurant (not thoses usual places i would eat with frens). E food was nice though. K went home n just slept.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

12th April '10:

Argh woke up at 9am to register for GEMs. Arms ached like hell cos of exercising yesterday. Got wad i wanted: personal selling. But e prob is my classmates who r suppose to be with me in that GEM, they couldn't get e slot. So i will be alone in e class. Not really sad cos i guess its time to make new frens :)

11th April '10:

Did dumbbell exercises at home. Went to jog at ECP in e afternoon/evening. Lol i just weighed myself, im like 47 kg now. Lost like 1-2kg.... I think its cos of e jogging n exercising. Went to choose wad GEM to register 2moro. Personal selling it shall be.

10th April '10:

Had haircut 2day. Went for pra.c n mass. Didn't go for prac. after mass. Went with family for dinner at parkway instead, cos its been a long time since we had dinner together. Thats all :)

9th April '10:

Help mum to deliver stuff to jurong 2day. Omg e journey to jurong was total hell! Traffic jam so e car keep on moving a bit then brake. Then my motion sickness got e better of me. Wanted to vomit alr but car got no plastic bag so i hold on. Went back east area like 9pm then had dinner with mum at siglap b4 picking sis from kembangan MRT. Msn martin to ask him wad he want cos he called me when i was on my way to jurong. Idk how e convo. led to me being pissed by wad he said so just went offline n watch tv n eat snacks.

I think my best fren changed a lot. Ever since he decided to be rational not emotional cos he feels taken advantaged of. But hey sometimes i feel like im been taken advantaged too :( I mean wateva u said abt me i changed, like becoming more pro-active in msn convo.s etc. Somehow nowadays u're just so nonchalant abt everything. Less emotional does not equal to no emotions. I want a best fren, not some cyborg. Argh u just changed. Not saying bye in msn convo.s. Telling me its normal that our msn convo.s r so dead n boring. Just not caring abt me, or anything. I really dun us to become like my ex-best frenship. I totally feel so helpless now....